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Tue, May. 23rd, 2006, 02:07 pm
quick update

So im in Killeen, im working for Regis, and things are going pretty decent, if anyone reads this anymore ;)

Tue, Feb. 21st, 2006, 02:57 pm

It's amazing
How you make your face just like a wall
How you take your heart and turn it off
How I turn my head and lose it all

It's unnerving
How just one move puts me by myself
There you go just trusting someone else
Now I know I put us both through hell

I'm not saying there wasn't nothing wrong
I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me
I'm now saying we ever had the right to hold on
I just didn't wanna let it get away from me

But if that's how it's gonna leave
Straight out from underneath
Then we'll see who's sorry now
If that's how it's gonna stand, when
You know you've been depending on
The one you're leaving now
The one you're leaving out

It's aggravating
How you threw me on and you tore me out
How your good intentions turn to doubt
The way you needed time to sort it out

I'm not saying there wasn't nothing wrong
I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me
I'm now saying we ever had the right to hold on
I just didn't wanna let it get away from me

But if that's how it's gonna leave
Straight out from underneath
Then we'll see who's sorry now
If that's how it's gonna stand, when
You know you've been depending on
The one you're leaving now
The one you're leaving out

The one you're leaving now
The one you're leaving out

I'm not saying there wasn't nothing wrong
I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me

But if that's how it's gonna leave
Straight out from underneath
Then we'll see who's sorry now
If that's how it's gonna stand, when
You know you've been depending on
The one you're leaving now
The one you're leaving out

Tell me is that how it's going to end
When you know you've been depending on
The one you're leaving now
And the one you're leaving out

The one you're leaving now
The one you're leaving out

Sat, Jan. 14th, 2006, 09:45 pm

this isn't what i like to call flattery,
but i know that i believe that i've found what's true,
that i've found what's you.

truthfully, i -
i'm finding finally.
truthfully, you -
you helped me find at last.
truthfully, we -
are finding out what's true.
and truthfully i am finding out what's you.

surprise, cause i was flying the plane.
surprise, cause now i'm smiling again.
surprise, cause you showed up with your parachute.
surprise, i'm kind of happy you showed up.

truthfully, i -
i'm finding finally.
truthfully, you -
you helped me find at last.
truthfully, we -
are finding out what's true.
and truthfully i am finding out what's you.

truthfully, i really can't explain, i'm floating, i'm smiling again.
truthfully, i can't ignore you, cause i've been waiting for you.
truthfully, i'm not desperate, i haven't changed my mind since we first met,
but the last thing that i want to do is to tell you that i'm right for you.

truthfully, i -
i'm finding finally.
truthfully, you -
you helped me find at last.
truthfully, we -
are finding out what's true.
and truthfully i am finding out what's you.

i'm finding finally.
truthfully, i'm finding out what's you.
i'm smiling again.
truthfully

Lisa Loeb-

Thu, Oct. 20th, 2005, 03:22 pm

And tomorrow..........Baker graduates. Shit yeah!
Passed the written state board exam.
Got my hours, now just gotta wait for my state board practical date, wow......i've accomplished something!

Sun, Aug. 14th, 2005, 11:33 pm

Im searching for answers tonight.

And feeling a lil jealous that i cant be with the one i love.

Tinas journal is amazing.

Sun, Aug. 14th, 2005, 10:12 pm
Sunday.

There is something about Sunday that is so depressing. For the last 3 Sundays i've found myself crying. Well not really this Sunday, yet... anyway. I've been staying at Candaces for the last week because things at home arent' going so well. Things in general aren't going so well. I stayed at J's last night it's really weird how you can find comfort in the place you least expect it. I can't remember ever having a real conversation with him but for some reason in the last week he's seemed genuinely concerned about me and it really means alot. If it was for Candace i dont know what i would do.

I feel like someone has stabbed me in the heart a zillion fucking times.
I dont know why i cant stop feeling so empty.

Life just isnt life anymore right now. I dont wanna do anything i have no motivation.

"And these mistakes you've made you'll just make them again, if you only try turning around"

Why do i keep making the same mistakes again?

I miss jess. I cant stand the thought of her being in the fucking army.
I would give anything to see her face.

Wed, Aug. 10th, 2005, 01:02 pm
school pics

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Thu, Aug. 4th, 2005, 04:50 pm

Its good to have effin friends. Like four of my friends said they be models for school this week and all of them blew me off, i wonder if they realize that i get a zero when they do that? I hope i can find one for my finals.

I've only got a month left in school. I cleaned out my station today, when i come back it'll be all new people and i'll just be catching up on hours and requirements. For just a few weeks. Everyones sad. We spend more time here than at home. Its depressing, sorta. But im really just glad to get on with my life, im just worried about the transition phase. waiting to go take my test, i mean i wont have school, hopefully ill find a job quickly. ONly now i have so many visible tattoos that i'd almost have to work in a salon. Oh well.

Sat, Jul. 30th, 2005, 05:35 pm

Im over at my moms doing laundry. Im glad she lets me do it here b/c im tired of the fucking laundrymat or however you spell that. lol. I haven't written in here in so long it seems like its almost like im forgetting how to. However, i guess i've got alot going on so i'll write. Last weekend Candace and I went to san antonio so i could see my g/f one last time before she left for the military. She wont be back until december. Now i know that i love jess, and i've always known that she's one of the kindest people i've ever met, but, i think the whole falling inlove thing hit me last weekend. I haven't felt like this in so long. And im kind of angry with her for leaving, and im not going to lie, i know thats very selfish of me, but im a lameass. I knew i'd miss her but damn i didnt know i'd miss her this much. I miss the stupid shit like her laugh, and the way she'd say "yeah" whenever she gets excited over stuff like a little kid, and the way her face would light up. Im dealing with it the best i can, and im not dealing well. However ill get through this and if we're still together when she gets back in december then im not losing her again. I really just miss having her around me all the time. She's so comforting. I miss holding on to her at night. I cant write about it anymore tho, it's to much of an emotional subject.

So I did my school hours and ill be graduating school in September. I, of course started crying lol. I was like wow i can believe *I* have actually finished something. I've never done anything worth while. Maybe i really AM growing up. :P Doubtful.

my mom was going to paint earlier so she put on this tank top it was really cute (she never wears anything at all thats kind of exposing) and then she pinned up her hair, and i wondered if she has any idea how gorgeous she really is.........

the last night i spent with my girlfriend we were having a discusion about religion and i just remember her saying "april, how would things be if people had nothing to believe in, you have to believe in something" Her saying that keeps sticking in my mind for some reason.

I hate being inlove. Inlove with something who isnt here anyway.



"So I'm taking these pills to fill up my soul
And I'm drinking them down with cheap alcohol
And you'd be inclined to be mine for the taking
And part of this terrible mess that I'm making
But you, you're the catalyst"

Sat, Jul. 30th, 2005, 11:37 am

I woke up today pretty disgusted with myself. Here lately that seems to be the case most mornings, i cant even remember what happened the night before,and its probably better that way. You ever notice how you're always searching for something? I feel like im always searching for something to fill this hole inside. I've had people tell me that it could infact be right in front of me and i recently realized there is some truth to that. What i was searching for was infront of me. For 8 months. Now i try to do everything in my power to just push you away b/c i know you're leaving anyway. She doesnt understand why i want to push her away before she goes off but she doesn't understand that having to say goodbye will pretty much rip me apart. It seems like everyone i love really does at some point go away. I dont know why i did this, i guess i thought she really wouldn't leave. Anyway go on and make your new life and i will have to get on the best i can without you. Ill move on but i can promise you ill be more empty than before b/c now i've had you and now im losing you. I love you.

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